Dating is weird.

Dating while AuDHD is… a constant internal meeting.

On one side of my brain, the ADHD is already sprinting ahead.

It’s excited. It’s curious. It’s imagining future conversations, shared jokes, and at least one hypothetical scenario that absolutely does not need to exist yet. It wants momentum. Stimulation. Movement.

On the other side, the autism is moving much more deliberately.

It wants clarity. It wants time. It wants communication that’s explicit instead of implied.

And they are rarely on the same page.

The ADHD Voice

The ADHD part of me thrives in the early stages of dating.

New person, new energy, new dopamine.

Messages feel electric. Conversations move quickly. Everything feels full of possibility.

It’s the part of me that wants to lean in, keep pace, and match energy.

The part that worries that slowing down might be misread as disinterest.

The part that fills silence with meaning, usually unnecessarily.

The Autistic Voice

The autistic part of me is quieter, but persistent.

It needs things to be named.

It likes predictability, follow-through, and words that align with actions.

It wants space to process feelings instead of responding in the moment.

This is the part of me that benefits from check-ins. From clarity. From slowing things down enough that I can actually feel what’s happening, rather than reacting to it.

Where It Gets Tricky

The tricky part is that I’m still learning how to advocate for my autistic needs, in life generally, let alone in dating.

It’s one thing to recognise what I need.

It’s another thing to say it out loud, especially when you’re trying to be easygoing, fun, and not “too much.”

There’s a tension there.

Because advocating for slower pacing, clearer communication, or more certainty can feel vulnerable. It can feel like asking for more than the other person is ready to give, or like risking being misunderstood.

So sometimes, I default to the ADHD pace because it feels socially safer.

Faster. Lighter. Less confronting.

Even when my autistic side is quietly asking for something else.

Learning to Hold Both

What I’m realising is that neither part of my brain is wrong.

The ADHD brings curiosity, warmth, enthusiasm, and openness.

The autism brings grounding, intention, and emotional safety.

Dating works best when I let them collaborate instead of compete.

That means enjoying the excitement without rushing it communicating needs without over-explaining them slowing down without apologising for it

And accepting that the right people won’t be put off by that, they’ll welcome it.

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Dating with AuDHD isn’t about taming my brain or choosing one side over the other.

It’s about learning to advocate for myself gently, clearly, and without shame.

If I can make space for both my excitement and my need for clarity, dating stops feeling like emotional whiplash and starts feeling… manageable. Grounded. Human.

Turns out the work isn’t in changing how I feel, it’s in trusting that my needs are reasonable enough to be spoken.