Content warning: This post contains descriptions of sexual assault and may be distressing for some readers. Please take care while reading.

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I was at a party.
One of those big, loud nights where everyone’s sweating, dancing, vibing.
I met a guy. Charming, flirty, fun. He had a partner, but told me they had an open thing. “He’s cool with it,” he said. “Just no sleeping in the same bed.

So we played.
Afterwards, I was wrecked, in that good, euphoric, end-of-the-night way. He offered me a place to crash. I was grateful, wiped out, and agreed to stay.
Separate rooms, like their rule said.

But later that night… I woke up.
Someone was in the room.
Someone was in me.

It was the other guy. He’d just gotten home.

I didn’t scream.
I didn’t stop it.
I just… went along with it.
Because in the moment, I didn’t know what else to do.
Because I thought maybe this was just part of the vibe.
Because I told myself, this is still fun… right?

Years passed. I tucked it away.
The memory would resurface now and then, but I’d always brush it off. Reframe it. Avoid sitting with what it actually was.

Until one night, much later, I saw him on a dancefloor.
Laughing. Free. Like nothing ever happened.
And in that moment, the truth hit me harder than I expected:
That wasn’t okay.
I hadn’t consented.
I’d been violated.

And suddenly, everything I’d tried to rationalise for years made sense. The discomfort. The confusion. The internal flinch I’d feel when the memory popped up.

I didn’t have the language for it at the time.
But I do now.

It took me years to see it clearly, and that’s okay.
Survival doesn’t always look like clarity.
Sometimes it’s a slow, quiet reckoning with what we weren’t ready to face.

If any of this feels familiar, I see you.
You are not alone.

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If anything in this post has brought up difficult feelings or memories, please consider reaching out:

• 1800RESPECT (Australia) – 24/7 support for sexual assault, domestic and family violence
  📞 1800 737 732 | www.1800respect.org.au
• Lifeline (Australia) – Crisis support and suicide prevention
  📞 13 11 14 | www.lifeline.org.au
• QLife – Peer support for LGBTQ+ people
  📞 1800 184 527 | www.qlife.org.au

You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to feel heard.