I want the real thing.
The big love.
The “talk about nothing for hours, know each other’s coffee order, kiss me on the forehead when I’m overthinking” kind of love.

But here’s the problem:
I’m amazing at the beginning.
Flirty. Curious. Engaged. I can give great text.
I know how to start something, I just never seem to follow it through.

Because once the spark is there, something shifts.
Sometimes I back off.
Sometimes they do.
Sometimes I’m suddenly analysing punctuation in their messages like it’s a cryptic clue to their level of interest.
And sometimes, if I’m honest, I get scared.
Scared of being seen properly. Scared of chasing something and being told, “That’s not what I want.”

So I linger in the space between desire and doubt.
Wanting to be chosen, but terrified of choosing wrong.
Craving intimacy, but overthinking it to death before it can land.

And I guess that’s the part I’m trying to work through.
Because I still believe in the love I’m looking for.
I just want to stop pulling away when it finally gets close.

Anyone else feel that? Like you want the real thing… but something in you hits pause before it can even start?